The boss handed me the work order: “Install new kitchen sink faucet.” This was a landlord property, second floor walk-up apartment. The landlord was one of the company’s larger customers and he was the epitome of a slumlord. It was not the least bit unusual to be dispatched to one of his properties for a clogged toilet and find the tenants had reported the clog a week, or more, prior to arrival. “What took you so long?” Truth be told, the company I worked for had been called either that same day or the day prior.
Upon arrival, I encountered a kitchen sink full of what looked like every single dirty dish the tenant owned. Water had been turned off weeks prior due to the faucet running almost full-tilt.
The tenant started to move the dishes, which caused a stampede of cockroaches streaming out of the sink! I picked up my tool bag and stepped on as many as I could. Quick little buggers and I did not want them in my tool bag.
Close encounter
First time I ever had a close encounter with roaches was when I was a young apprentice. We had just completed installing a new steam boiler in a center-city bar. Each morning, we would have to pass through the bar where patrons occupying every bar stool were getting an early morning eye-opener: quite the eye-opener for a young lad to witness.
“Go over in that corner and remove the sewer cleanout. Take this hose with you and we’ll skim the boiler.” New steam boilers have oil residue inside them from the manufacturing process and you need to basically flood the boiler to its top and heat that water to near boiling while continually feeding a small amount of water while letting the top layer of water/oil run out through the hose until all the oil has been skimmed off. If you don’t take the time to do this, the new boiler will not work well and water will surge in the gauge-glass while boiling because the oil inhibits free passage of steam.
In the darkened recess, I pulled the cleanout and thought I saw movement in the dim light. As an apprentice, I was required to always have three things with me: water-pump pliers, four-way screwdriver and a flashlight.
Whipping out my flashlight and training its beam into the stand-pipe sans cleanout revealed a shocking sight: a horde of huge cockroaches — big enough to carry off your 24-in. Ridgid pipe wrenches — were poised to exit the open sewer line! I hollered out to open the skim-valve and gave those roaches a scalding bath. They clung to the pipe and looked back as if to say: “That’s all you got?”
a horde of huge cockroaches — big enough to carry off your 24-in. Ridgid pipe wrenches — were poised to exit the open sewer line!
Back in the kitchen, the sink now cleared of dirty dishes, I opened the cabinet doors to access the plumbing. A second wave of roaches scattered in all directions! It was time to call my boss and obtained permission to use the phone (before cell phones existed). Picking up the receiver to put it to my ear, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye — a roach was on the earpiece and I narrowly avoided an unpleasant too-close encounter. Putting the phone back in its cradle, I made up an excuse about needing to run for parts. A pay phone was a block away and my boss told me I had to complete the job. He agreed to let me purchase some Raid roach spray.
When I returned, I first sprayed a circle on the floor around my tool-bag and when I hit that kitchen base-cabinet, it looked like rain — only it was cockroaches. Fumes of Raid wafted upwards and it began raining roaches from the wall cabinets! Three cans of spray later the torrential downpour was over. Swept up the bodies and I swear that was the fastest faucet change-out I ever performed.
I promised myself that day that when I went into business, I was never going to work in such filthy conditions or subject any employee to doing so — and we do not. Last year, I was asked to provide an estimate for a home that had frozen and had no heat or water. The owners met me on their way out — for showers — but told me to go on in because their mother and daughter were home.
“Hope you don’t mind cats.” No exaggeration: there were 15 cats in the home and the cat poop was over an inch thick over the floors. The stench was unbearable. They were living in this filth! I sent them a quote with an added item: $1,500 additional for cleaning. Our competition on the bid? You guessed it. The irate homeowner was furious with me for including money for cleaning her home. She told me in very direct terms where I could go and hung up the phone!
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